NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN

Film Review by FIORE

NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN is without question one of the worst films ever made. It is a mismatch of plots with no continuity, poor acting, terrible special effects and camera work your Uncle Charlie can best.  Touted on the film festival circuit as a major new horror experience, and one of the grossest films ever made, NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN cannot live up to its own hype.

Nearly all the film’s budget is spent on fake blood.  That’s not unusual for cheap Indie horror flicks, but the producers botched this as well.  The blood indiscriminately shifts from red to maroon to black.  At one point, the fake blood must have run out, so Director Roberto San Sebastian shifts the entire film to black and white, so Hersey’s syrup can be used for blood.  This is an old filmmakers’ ploy.  The syrup, however, does have a different consistency and it is noticeable on film.  Usually, directors don’t shift the coloring of a movie to accommodate fake blood; though it was done with aplomb in Vincent Price’s THE TINGLER.

The story begins at a New Year’s Eve party, where Nico is desperately attempting to score.  He is a buck-toothed geek, whom the ladies seem to delight in ridiculing.  Just when it appears he will be spending New Year’s alone, Medea, a woman old enough to be Nico’s grandmother, makes a play for him.  Nico, under the influence of alcohol, calculates the old bag is better than nothing, and they leave for her apartment.  At this point in the film, the script by Guillermo Guerrero slides down a muddy path faster than Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner in ROMANCING THE STONE.

NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN only has three main characters and they are so erratic and inconsistent their actions and dialogue further augment the film’s uselessness.  The stars are Javier Bodalo, Miriam Martin and Victor Amilibia, who spends the majority of the film off camera screaming F-bombs, in an effort to break the record set by Samuel L. Jackson. 

Media begins to rant about a Nepalese goddess named Naoshi and warns Nico not to step on the cockroaches or he will bring bad luck.  The bad luck comes to anyone watching the film past this point.  There is allusion to mixing menstrual blood with sperm, transferring pregnancy to the male, much like sea horses do, and a demon child who, without validation, spontaneously combusts to bring the film to an abrupt conclusion.

There is a brief social commentary on addiction to cell phones.  Medea shoves Nico’s phone into her vagina to prevent him from distraction, though he has no qualms about pulling it out to take his calls.  

The script is a complete joke, the acting is worse than juvenile, and the special effects are lamer than the Black Knight in MONTY PYTHON’S SEARCH FOR THE HOLLY GRAIL.  After watching NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN I could feel parts of my brain dying to the extent where Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi were making sense.  The tag line for NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN is “evil has no gender”.  It also doesn’t have any qualities or skills for filmmaking.  NIGHT OF THE VIRGIN is currently available on Video On Demand.